take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
