Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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