Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
