I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
