I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He passed out mid-signature
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
