For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
