iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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