I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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