you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize