lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
