omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
