real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
