Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
