I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
