Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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