At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
