Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
