just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
