Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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