I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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