im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
