Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
