i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
