i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
