Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
