i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
