I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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