I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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