Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
