He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
