Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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