In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
