Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
