Your dad touched me again.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
