I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
