my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
