I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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