just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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