Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
