My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
