Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
