I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
