soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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