Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
