I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It's shark week go big or go home
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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