On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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