just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
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