can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
