So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
