is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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