Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
