Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I am mentally ready for anal.
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