this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
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I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
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I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
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