I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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