yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
