meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
