Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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