weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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