She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
