I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
