Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
