I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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