cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
